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People - Successful Interpersonal Relationships

We all depend on each other throughout our lives for all kinds of things. From the time we’re born, people have provided us with things that helped us to survive and become who were are today. We couldn't have survived without them.

Interpersonal relationships can be considered the core foundation of human life, in that most human behavior, takes place in the context of an individual's relationships with others. Our creation, health, success, and happiness is tied in some way to other people and depend on what other people have done and continue to do for us. Participating in healthy relationships is a critical component of living a well-rounded, well-balanced lifestyle. Human beings are social creatures that can benefit from healthy interpersonal relationships.

Dealing with people can bring about grand feelings of joy and happiness. In fact, people can provide you with many of the things that you've always wanted in life. The reality is that an individual may bring us great pleasure, love, and satisfaction, and that same person can also cause us great sorrow and pain. Relationships are usually complicated, and some affect us deeply and profoundly. People's ability to influence and shape our lives cannot be overstated enough.

As children, we had no choice but to rely on our parents and caregivers to provide us with the things that we needed, and as adults, our dependency continues at some level. Just about every area of our life still has dependencies on our relationships with other people. Our social, financial, emotional, environmental, career, friends, family and even our health, generally depends on what other people can and will do for us. Even our mood and feelings are often dependent on how others feel about us. Our emotional dependency can significantly affect our self-esteem, self-confidence, and our ability to live a happy, healthy, and prosperous life. As a result, our dependence on people tends to make relationships problematic and dysfunctional by nature.

Unreasonable expectations further exacerbate emotions of being let down and failure. Unreasonable expectations are a recipe for frustration and unhappiness. The unfortunate truth is that people are not one hundred percent, so it's unreasonable to expect things from anyone. If you take this approach, you'll appreciate it when someone does something for you, and you won't be disappointed when they don't.

Dealing with people can be an incredibly painful ordeal, and there isn't always an easy way out or an easy way to fix the relationship. The emotional and physical cost of a relationship can be devastating and life-changing for some people.

The ugly truth of the matter is that we can't always change our circumstances and tell everyone to go fuck themselves. Sure, that sounds great but it's usually a bad idea, that's probably going to cause us more problems than it's worth.

Some people are blessed with good healthy relationships throughout their lives, while others seem to be cursed with "relationships from hell". We could spend a lot of time trying to figure out why it is that way, but we'll never really know the answer, so we shouldn't bother.

Instead, we should concentrate on laying out ideas and tips on how we can improve our circumstances and our relationships.

One of the most important things we can do to help ourselves is to invest in us. The healthier, smarter, financially independent, and loving person we are, the more we will be in a position to improve our lives and help improve the lives of the people around us.

That may seem like an obvious solution, but we're often lost, and caught up in what I like to call, "the toilet effect"; Just going around and around with the rest of the shit. Many of us are drawn into negative situations and can't figure out how to stop it from happening. We're often caught up in a situation only to find ourselves struggling to maintain a sense of peace and joy. This, of course, doesn't apply to those that are the aggressors, seeking to take advantage of those they believe are weaker and more vulnerable.

The trick lies in your ability to rise above the "toilet" long enough to see and understand your available options, and the choices that you can make for now and tomorrow. Then, it's just a matter of making healthy choices and acting on them, one step at a time.

You may not be able to change your current circumstances or your relationships entirely, but you can position yourself so that you can produce results that are both constructive and useful to you right now and in the future.

The improvements that you desire, and deserve, usually come about by making small positive changes in all aspect of your life-wellness. Gradual and consistent positive changes tend to create long-lasting and powerful life-changing results.

One of the first things that we should do is to work on improving our attitude and our approach towards everything and everyone.

Our mindset and our conditioning will help determine our ability to grow our life-wellness and live the lifestyle that we have always wanted. Strength, stamina, and endurance can go a long way in maintaining a healthy physical and mental mindset.

We must always be mindful of our behavior and the words that we speak with both our inner and outer voices. It's important to know what to say, but it's also equally important to know what not to say. We may think the other person is interested and that they want to hear what we have to say, but that may not be the case. The other person may not be interested, and they can’t wait for you to stop talking, so they can talk or leave the conversation. They are simply tolerating it, in the same way that you might deal with other people when they are talking. Remember that it’s not always about what you find interesting or relevant. Learn to listen more than you talk, is a good rule to follow in most conversations.  

Interactions with people are often a delicate balancing act that requires that we put our needs, wants and opinions aside for the greater good. That seems to contradict our goals and objectives, but it doesn’t. Quite often, our instinctive desire is to show ourselves, and others, that we're strong, smart, and right. This method can work if you're aggressive and use enough force to overpower the other person, emotionally, mentally, and if need be, physically. We may want to correct them and put them in their place. This isn’t, however, the smart, wisest way to go about interacting with someone. Chances are that the other person is trying to do the same thing to you, and will most probably result in a conflict, and a fight to reveal the winner and the loser.

You may or may not get what you want, but your relationship will most likely suffer the consequences from the battle. Fighting and contradicting people doesn't build healthy relationships, it only hurts them.

Confrontation may be the only way to deal with some people, and maybe it is, but it may not always be the most logical and pragmatic approach to getting what you need and want. Your objective should be to avoid confrontation, and to be persuasive enough to get what you want while being well liked at the same time.

This approach requires both a little finesse and also some charisma to get good results. Patience and calmness can also help you to achieve your goal. It's up to you to learn how you can become aware and apply the valuable techniques that will improve your people skills.

It's fairly common to interact with a person who may not agree you. We’re talking about an individual who says and does things in an attempt to force you to accept their agenda, and share their opinions, as well as their terms. Instead of becoming involved and drawn into a negative situation, try to disengage yourself from the drama that the other person is spewing on you. It’s not what they say but how you react that matters. Your reaction will be very different if you don’t care or if you find it funny, then if you get upset and stressed out.

 It's up to you to avoid being emotionally hijacked and dragged into a situation filled with negativity that will ultimately result in conflict and friction. In most cases, you have the option to disengage emotionally and disassociate yourself from playing along with their aggressive and dysfunctional behavior. You can minimize or even stop the person from manipulating and frustrating you.

 Below are a few ideas and tips that can help your interpersonal relationships.

Do not judge them, for the same reasons that you do not want to be judged by others.

Accept them as they are, imperfect human beings try to find their way in life.

 If you don't care what they say, it will not bother you.

The conversation isn't about you; it's about them. Put your feelings away for another day.

Don't bother to complain or explain, for no one is interested.

Avoid trying to out-do, or one-up the other person.

Instead of responding or arguing with them when you disagree, tell them that it’s interesting how they phase it, and that you've never heard it quite that way before. Ask them specific questions, and ask them to help you better understand what they are saying. You may want to ask them to repeat what they said. Making them repeat what they said gives the person an opportunity to rethink their position and it gives you a chance to confirm what they said.  Avoid open-ended questions that they can answer with one or two words. Getting them to reveal details can be a helpful way for them to fill in the uncomfortable gaps of silence throughout the conversation.

You want them to feel as though you’re taking the time and making the effort to understand their needs, wants, dreams and aspirations, without judging them for it.

Allow them to feel comfortable and calm talking to you about their favorite subjects, and let them open up about themselves. Some people may need a little help in the beginning, while others won't stop taking.

Avoid saying anything that can be misconstrued as negativity, or talking about problematic subjects such as religion and politics.

Knowing how to exit a conversation is just as important as knowing how to start one. Learn a few “exit” strategies, including a polite way to end a conversation that you can apply in different situations. A simple “excuse me” will suffice. There is usually no need to justify or explain why you want to end the conversation.

It’s often wise to set a specific amount of time that you want to spend talking with that person. Remain aware of and look for natural "exit doors" that you can use during the conversation to say your goodbyes and leave in good standing with the person.

Afterward, assess the conversation and try to figure out what you could have done to improve the experience for both you and them. Remember to apply what you’ve learned in your next conversation.

Developing good people skills is an ongoing, lifelong quest that everyone should practice. As with most other things, the more you do it, the easier and more natural it will become for you.

Remember that conversations and interactions are all about the other person, and not you. Your overall objective is for the social or business encounter to go well and to leave a positive impression.


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